Dear Carol,
I need some advice if that is possible. I just became a phone
sex operator two or three weeks ago and need some help. I
can get guys to pick me but I'm having trouble keeping them
on the line for very long. It's like, one could last for 25
minutes, the next one 1 minute. I do not want to lose my job
because of this (there's a talk time quota because the guys
pay by the minute). I have a very sexy voice which attracts
a lot of the callers, but I guess I'm just not too good on
the details. Which one of your books would you recommend to
help me with the lingo I need to use and to draw out the callers'
wants and expectations? It seems that over half of them already
have a hard-on and don't seem to last very long... HELP!!
-- Beth
Dear Beth,
First, I want you to stop worrying that you're not doing a
good job because guys come so quickly when they get on the
phone with you. Plenty of men just don't last very long (Kinsey
said the median time to masturbated orgasm in men was 3-point-something
fifty years ago, and those fellows didn't have access to your
sexy voice!). When I worked in the peep show I noticed men
spending quality time in the cheaper porn movie booths and
then rushing over to the booth where I was waiting to talk
live (but for more money). I was puzzled by this until I did
the math; a guy could save a few bucks by getting himself
turned on before he started paying $5 for three minutes. Many
of your callers may be doing the same: getting hot and bothered,
dialing the phone, and saving a little cash.
None of this will assuage your employer, of course. They
want you to keep callers on the line by hook or by crook.
And of course your own paycheck depends on this, so it's also
in your own best interest to lengthen that "pause that
refreshes." Here's what I'd suggest: Since you asked
about my books, I won't feel too modest to recommend Exhibitionism
for the Shy, which includes a couple of chapters on erotic
talk plus an appendix full of dirty words for you to use to
vary your phone-line patter. We don't want you to get bored!
You might also find the last chapter helpful, which involves
talking to partners about adding new kinds of play into your
relationship. Now, these guys aren't your partners, except
maybe for a minute, but the actual communication in a sex
work negotiation is not so very different from talking to
a lover; it's the emotional connection that is most different.
There are also a few more books about phone sex floating around,
and any of these might be helpful to you, or at least make
you feel like you're not the only one. I believe Magdalena
Meretrix's guide for sex workers, Turning Pro, includes a
phone sex chapter, and that whole book is interesting because
Meretrix has done so many different kinds of sex industry
work.
Before adding more words, though, I would recommend that
you prepare in two specific ways: augment your collection
of fantasies and stories you can tell, and draw out your callers
so you get them talking more. If you're just rapping along
in your sexy voice, a caller might go a little too fast because
he gets so stimulated. If you're taking him down a path that
makes him curious about how the story will end up, he might
stay on the phone longer. As I discuss in Exhibitionism for
the Shy, you can watch porn and narrate the plot (if any,
ahem!); read erotica and tell the story back to the caller,
possibly putting yourself in the lead and using first-person
language; or, if you don't feel it's too personal, you can
tell tales (or fantasies) from your own copious experience.
If you don't feel your experience is copious enough, try checking
out Violet Blue's anthology Taboo or other erotic books that
can give you ideas and maybe charge up your own fantasy life.
You might also want to stay attuned to signs that the guy
is very aroused, like breathing or vocal changes, and if you
get that impression, actually tone down your language a bit...
make it a little less explicit, because hot language will
make some people come just like that.
The other side of Scheherezade is getting your guy to pipe
up, because if he's talking, he may be a little distracted
from his pending orgasm. Not that it won't be erotic: actually,
he'll enjoy his climax more if he waits longer than the usual
three-point-whatever. Aside from that, he'll be giving you
clues to his own fantasies. Listen for those; use the words
and scenarios right back at him, and he may prove to be better
than just a slow customer, he may turn into a regular.
Good luck! Hey, are there any phone sex-experienced readers
out there who want to weigh in with your own tips? I'll collect
them in a future column.
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